


Thanks, Dominos

by riot3672



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Based on a Tumblr Post, Bets & Wagers, Blue Balls, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Inappropriate Humor, Public Nudity, Sexual Humor, Sibling Incest, The Pizza Man, Twincest, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 19:17:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6127357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riot3672/pseuds/riot3672
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Pietro's pizza comes while he's in the middle of sex with Wanda, they decide to try answering the door without technically stopping the sex. Crack ensues. (based on that Tumblr post about Dominos)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thanks, Dominos

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for writing this.

It was one of those times of year where everything was so calm in the Avengers facility that Pietro could treat literally everything as a game. Ordering pizza? Game. Having sex with Wanda for the second time that day? Game.

Pietro stood between an open laptop and a Wanda with open legs. (Okay, her legs weren’t open, but she was rocking the “draw me like your French girls” look in his favorite piece of lingerie.) 

“Okay, so pizza takes forty-five to an hour. Let’s see if we can get four Os before it arrives,” Pietro said.

Wanda shrugged. “Seems doable.” She rolled onto her stomach. “Whose solo O gets to go first?”

“Yours. We can rush mine.”

Wanda rolled onto her back, spread her legs, and smiled. “Get going, ‘tro. You only have an hour.”

He pressed “submit” on his pizza order, glance at the little Dominos pizza animation with the words “your ingredients are being prepared.” Entree ordered, now for the appetizer.

He started with a kiss on the lips. Face lips.

“Someone’s ambitious,” Wanda said.

“Half the pleasure is the anticipation, right?”

“You tell me.” She wrapped her legs around his waist. 

“I’m gonna go with yes.”

He kissed down her throat, his lips against every vertebrae of her spine, mindful to prod out every moan and sigh he could get out of her. God, he would never get enough of her heavy breathing, the way she’d lump into him. And, there was no denying that there was something really nice about already having some slick skin to lick once he got low enough. 

All time combined, he kissed, licked, and sucked his way into her muscles spasming around him in fifteen minutes. She got him off in five.

“Ready, baby?” Pietro asked, the soft taste of their mingled juices still in his mouth. Wanda was already hair tousled, a little flush, smiling that distant smile he loved. 

“Ready when you are.”

He wrapped his arms around her and slid his way in.

“Good?”

“Good.”

Wanda tightened her legs around his hips, shifted until she’d gotten her own sighs of satisfaction slipping between her teeth. With her approval, he started thrusting.

And, then the doorbell rang.

Pietro’s heart sped up. He looked over to his computer.

The pizza meter was full. It had been less than thirty minutes.

What the honest fuck did Dominos think they were doing?

“I’m pretty sure that’s our pizza,” Pietro said.

“Well, we need to get it.”

Beat.

“I have a giant boner right now.”

“Then get out. I’ll get it.”

But if they got the pizza, who’s to say they’d ever have sex again? Once she was out, she was out, and he’d been looking forward to this all day.

Plus, there was something he’d always wanted to try.

“If you let me stay inside you for five minutes, I’ll eat you out every day for a week.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Come on! It’ll be fun.”

“How will you even—?”

“Come on.”

Pietro stood up, Wanda gasping and clinging onto him like a marsupial of some kind.

“Yes or no?” Pietro asked.

Wanda scrambled on him, adjusted until her legs were tight around his hips and her arms around his shoulders. Solid, if he did say so himself. 

“Be quick,” she said.

Quick, right. He snatched a blanket off the bed and wrapped it around them. ABC party, no big deal. He pulled his wallet off the counter and answered the door.

The pizza delivery guy looked about fifteen, frizzy hair, pimples, the kind of person who’d be delivering pizza in an 80s movie. His eyes widened to the size of saucers seeing him.

“Uh, hey,” the guy said.

“Hey man,” Pietro said.

Wanda relaxed, face against his shoulder. The pizza boy looked them up and down, blushed, then looked back at his box. “So uh, you ordered the small cheese, large half pepperoni, half sausage, right? With the chicken bites, side of buffalo sauce, side salad, lava cakes?”

“And breadsticks,” Pietro said.

“Oh. Uh, they’re in the car. Hold on.”

The pizza boy looked at Pietro, then handed him the boxes he did have. 

“This is so stupid,” Wanda said as the kid ran back to his car.

“Hey, he hasn’t left yet. Wonder if we drop the blanket if he’d give it to us for free,” Pietro said.

“Yeah, or get arrested for public nudity.”

“It’s not public nudity. We’re clearly in our own house. Plus, your ass is a national treasure.”

“Ha ha. Your dick is a national treasure, now get out of me so we can show him that.”

Wanda shifted, and Pietro had to admit, even with a boner, not moving while inside her wasn’t nearly as fun as moving. And everything was starting to hurt. Okay, this was a bad idea. It was really hot in principle, but a bad idea.

“Hey, you can get out any time you want. I’m not playing Robin Thicke with you.”

Wanda glanced at the space between them. “Yeah, no.” The blanket slipped for a moment. “Fuck, at least _try_!”

Pietro gathered up the blanket and held it tight. In truth, he really didn’t want this guy to see Wanda naked. 

The kid jogged back up and set the breadsticks on the pile of food they’d amounted by the door.

“That’ll be $54.97.”

Pietro might not be able to read minds, but he knew exactly what the look Wanda was giving him said: _how the hizzidity hell did you spend almost 55 bucks on pizza, dumbass?_ Exactly like that. He gave her a smile as he pulled out his wallet and fished for the bills.

He managed to hand the kid the fifty-five, but the tip stumped him. He had one dollar in his wallet or a bunch of twenties. 

Then, the one dollar fell on the floor.

_Dip down, now._

He thought it, but apparently Wanda wasn’t ready, because she flailed, and the already unwanted dick pain only became unexpectedly worse. With a “SHIT!” Pietro dropped the blanket and dollar to throw his hands onto his dick.

The pizza kid had an expression Pietro could only describe as somewhere between ten-year-old looking at porn for the first time and person witnessing a murder via meat tenderizer.

Wanda pulled him right out, jumped off her perch, and took off running deeper into the house with the blanket half-covering her bits. Somehow, Pietro couldn’t think fast enough to avoid the kid getting a nice look at his nice blue balls and semi. Not that he wasn’t proud, but…

Pietro grinned sheepishly and kicked the dollar until it was out the door.

“Other tip’s in the experience,” Pietro managed to say before slamming the door shut.

Well, looks like they couldn’t get Dominos delivered anymore.


End file.
